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Week 8 – Monday-Wednesday
On Monday morning, after a fairly sleepless night having to get up every hour to go for a wee, I was woken at 5am by a fly. Yup. A FLY. It was trapped between the curtains and the window and was emitting a high pitched drilling noise. After locating and dealing with the source of the noise I finally started drifting off to sleep again at about 5.30am, only to be woken at 5.45am by a noisy flock of geese doing a fly by. Wildlife is against me this week it would seem. Work was painfully slow and I struggled to fill the day with anything interesting. I hate it when I'm not busy as it gives me too much time to sit and think - not good for a worrier like me, worriers need to be distracted constantly to stop them descending into fretfulness. On Tuesday things took a bit of a bad turn. I suffer from Ulcerative Colitis and it is currently active. On the way to the tube station I had a bad attack and had to sit down at a bus stop for ten minutes. I felt so ill that I headed straight home as soon as I could walk again. I called in sick to work, I already had Wednesday to Friday booked off as leave, good thing too as I spent all Tuesday just sleeping. I was utterly exhausted. The exhaustion will have been part down to pregnancy and part down to my body dealing with the colitis. It’s worrying obviously. And still time moves agonizingly slowly towards the 12 week mark when the odds of miscarriage go down, when we can have our scan and confirm there is a baby in there and it’s ok. During my time on the sofa on Tuesday I made a big mistake. I tuned into Discovery Health and watched various baby and birth programmes. Oh. My. God. THAT looks painful indeed. I looked at the labour section of my Miriam Stoppard book, she recommends lots of flannels. Flannels? Those women looked like they needed vast amounts of painkillers and a bottle of vodka if you ask me. On Wednesday, after demolishing half a packet of ginger nuts and watching a programme about student midwives, I had to attend my monthly appointment with my colitis consultant at the hospital. I was afraid he would mad at me for getting pregnant half way through his carefully planned treatment but he seemed ok with it, even if it does complicate things slightly. The fact that I’m on steroids is bit of a worry as it increases the risk of having a baby with cleft palate. Obviously this is worrying but also it makes me feel guilty, we should have been more careful and continued with birth control until after my steroid course had finished. But we didn’t. So here we are, pregnant and happy to be so, but with worries and future issues that we might have prevented. Yes, I am definitely mostly experiencing guilt this week.
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