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Week 17 – Monday-Wednesday Mon 17th – Weds 19th October 2005 Monday: I read today that the risk of a late miscarriage is still present in women with uncontrolled chronic illness. Why do I read these damn books? Every day I find something new to panic about. My chronic illness is in no way controlled at the moment. Blimey. Pregnancy is a minefield of worries. Speaking of worries. Tomorrow is my 16 week antenatal appointment and I am somewhat anxious. I am worried about several things – about my HIV test results, about something being wrong with the baby’s heartbeat, about something being wrong with me, abut the doctors/midwives not being nice, everything. I really must try some kind of calming exercise like yoga… Tuesday: Just like our 12-Week Appointment the bus never turned up when I set out on my journey to the hospital at 3.30pm. Hubby had to rush by and pick me up and we made our appointment bang on the dot of 4pm. The midwife at the hospital is great – she’s completed disorganized and has a really strong Irish accent, and she always refers to me using my first name - How are you feeling today, Alison?...And have you had any trouble at all, Alison?...Well just pop yourself up on the couch there Alison and we’ll take a look at ya.. She makes me feel very relaxed. Hubby says she has an unusually large head. We heard the baby’s heartbeat and we were told that everything – blood tests, sizes, uterus, heartbeat and everything appeared normal. For somebody who has spent the last year flitting from one medical problem to the next it is wonderful to be in hospital to hear positive things. Touch wood the rest of the pregnancy keeps going this way. Maybe my pregnancy can teach my UC a thing or two and get it to bugger off. All in all the visit made me feel a lot more positive and able to enjoy the pregnancy a bit more. If the little tyke inside of me can survive this stupid illness, then so can I. Wednesday: I got up as usual at 6.20am and my tummy seemed to be behaving itself for once. I happily ate my Frosties and headed off for work, looking forward to a relatively quiet day of it in the office. I didn’t manage to get a seat as the tube was unusually busy so I just whipped out Sense and Sensibility and emerged myself. Two stops down the line at Leyton I felt a bit woozey – a little sick and light headed. Half way between Leyton and Stratford I thought I was going to keel over, so I figured I would just ask the person sitting down nearest to me if I could sit down. I didn’t have a chance to though as the next thing I knew I was slithering down the doors to the floor. It all happened so fast I didn’t even have time to put my hand to my forehead and dramatically exclaim “My Baby!” before falling sideways with great aplomb. I just crumpled like a dead squid. I was out for seconds but it scared the bejeezuz out of me. I got off at Stratford and found a bench to sit on and get some air. A kind woman stopped to check if I was ok, I could have hugged her. Hubby came and picked me up in the car and put me to bed. I feel like such a weakling – if I were a character in Sense and Sensibility I’d be of a delicate nature and would be constantly taking to my bed with a lace hanky. But they didn’t have Cadbury’s chocolate caramel fingers in Jane Austen’s times did they? Ha! I have a whole box here with me now…
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