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Monday 31st – Sunday 6th 2005

Monday:
Motivation is severely lacking today. The lighter morning did nothing to flame any enthusiasm at all and it was a struggle to get myself into work and keep myself motivated throughout the day. Despite this I managed to get rather a lot done and cleared my desk and inbox of many niggly little tasks that have been waiting for completion for too long. This left me feeling a lot more clear headed when 4.30pm came around and I headed home.

Wednesday:
“So are you confident enough to start trying to comedown of the steroids again?”

This was the question posed to me by my consultant on Wednesday morning.

“Not really” I said.

“Me neither” he said.

So 40mg of steroids it remains. Swollen face, spots, mood swings, crazy hair growth and increased appetite. Anyone would think I was pregnant…

I have to go back in two weeks to see him again and assess the situation. We’re taking things slowly.

It so happens that the same day I go back to see my consultant I also have our 20 week scan. So I have taken the whole day off in order to chill out between appointments and top up on some This Morning with Fern and Phil.

I feel I need to. After my appointment this morning I was left feeling so dejected and miserable that the rest of the day was a write-off. I didn’t want to see or speak to anybody, which isn’t easy when you work for eight people in a busy open plan office.

Thursday:
People are beginning to look at me on the tube like they’re thinking “Is she pregnant? Or just eaten one too many Crunch Creams? I’ll just read my newspaper or pretend to fall asleep because I am British and too embarrassed to ask….”

I have definitely got the beginnings of a bump.

But of course now that there are developments in the Bump department I am worried that I am going to get too big too soon, probably the result of some malfunction brought about by being on steroids in early pregnancy, and will have to push out a baby about two stone in weight…

Friday:
Half day at work today! Woohoo! I leave at 12pm to do a bit of Christmas shopping with my sister and head to Kent to do some bird-sitting for my mum’s cockatiel, Jasper, this weekend. My mum’s off for the weekend and the dear old winged beast needs looking after.

I am wearing my new lacy skirt from QS today and it really shows off my ickle bump, in fact if I stick out my tummy purposefully I reckon I could wing myself a seat on the tube later, watch this space…

Saturday and Sunday:
Time has come to a standstill. Christmas seems months away, my 20-week scan a distant speck on the horizon.

I’m terrified about the scan – petrified that it’ll show up something wrong, some growth , bone or other disorder cause by my strong steroid medication. I can envisage myself crying the whole way through it.
It is especially scary as now I’ve begun to feel the first flutterings of movement inside my stomach the baby has become a real thing – a growing person – my son or daughter. I feel protective and I want him/her to be okay in there, despite my illness and my medication and all the other issues the wee thing has to deal with on a daily basis.

At the moment Christmas is a big focus and distraction for me. I’ve always loved Christmas with a passion (I’m not Christian, I just love the season and our family traditions) but this year it is more exciting and significant. I’ll be six months pregnant, I’ll look pregnant, I’ll be eight weeks away from maternity leave, I’ll know if there are any problems with the baby as my 20-week scan will be well behind me. I’ll be able to relax on my mum’s new leather sofa with a box of Roses and a glass of alcohol-free rosè and watch my family opening presents on Christmas morning, I just don’t know if I can wait a whole 7 weeks!

But right now I have to get through the next nine days until the scan. *sigh*

last five:
Five Months Old - Friday 1st September 2006
10 Weeks and 3 Days Old - 2006-06-12
Lillia Charlotte arrives - 31st March 2006
Week 39-Monday-Wednesday - Monday 20th March-Wednesday 22nd March 2006
Week 38 - Wednesday-Sunday - Wednesday 15th March-Sunday 19th March 2006

| * * | bumpsadaisy 2005 | * * |

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